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A Journey through my Tumblr Archive

I was looking through my Tumblr archive (since June 2011), and as embarrassing as it is, it’s so interesting how my Tumblr kind of documents my coming to consciousness. I initially wanted to delete all my posts from 2011 but I think my journey is important to look back on; it’s necessary to see how much I’ve grown.

Initially, I was solely reblogging pictures of skinny white girls in bikinis and ridiculously problematic shit & now I’m trying to subvert traditional (eurocentric) notions of beauty and advocating for safer spaces. Of course, I’m still on my journey to consciousness and I’m probably going look back on stuff I post today and recognize how my thinking has changed. That would be a reason why I'm so inclined towards blogging - it's an avenue for me to make myself heard and also a means of recording my thoughts.

It's also interesting that I now recognize a lot of my Tumblr posts from back then were a response to trauma from my sexual exploitation. I used to reblog and often think about my "loss of innocence," which always gave me so much anxiety and guilt. As I reflect on it today, I now realize how much of my thinking was conditioned victim blaming. I feel that every day, I become more able to examine the past and how much of my thinking/behavior was due to trauma, to victim blaming, to the way society has conditioned me to think.

Ocean GaoComment